She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
