i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
