We're like a lot better than the average bears
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
