nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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