i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
