I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Barsexuality is the new black.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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