i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
