i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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