Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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