You really coming over, don't trick.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
