So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
