The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
