I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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