Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
