finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
