Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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