Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
