Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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