This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
