Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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