Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
