If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
