he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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