you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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