This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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