based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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