i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Randomize
