Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
