My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
