I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
