you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
