he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
