Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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