Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
