bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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