Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
