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South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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