Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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