sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
