what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
