I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
