k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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