girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
