I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
