Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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