bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
