What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
