Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
These tits shall not be calmed
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
