Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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