@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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